You're Not Alone
by Forever without him
Summary: One Day. One massive life-changing event. New York, 2001. AU Emison family one-shot.


**A/N:** _Those who are familiar with my work know I don't do trigger warnings. But I am for this one. Please don't take this story lightly. This is an AU Emison one-shot set in New York on 9/11. I don't normally do the kind of fics that are so strongly based in reality, but a few days ago when the 17th anniversary of the September 11th terrorists attacks was fast-approaching, a friend of mine asked me if I'd consider doing a one-shot through the eyes of Emily and Alison the day terrorists attacked America. This is an insanely sensitive subject and it is not limited to that day, nor just my country. I know many people in many countries have felt the pain of mass casualties at the hands of violence like this. A lot of people are affected by this.  
_

 _I was initially feeling very awkward about posting this because terrorist attacks are such a real and powerful event that it shakes me to my core to think about, much less write about. But I wrote it regardless. After writing it I had to step away from it and really think. Did I want to share? Was it too much? Was it disrespectful? I sat on it for 48 hours. It was only on my commute home from work today when I watched a very colorful sunset over a national park still lined with thousands of flags to honor those who died on 9/11 that I decided that I did want to share. Because the terrorists were loud that day. But humanity was louder.  
_

 _I had friends who lost people that day. I have family and friends who are first responders, military, firefighters, and others who put themselves on the line, Every. Single. Day. And I do not for one second take what they do for granted. If you fall into that category, you are more loved and appreciated than you will ever know. And to anyone who has ever known the pain of loss on this scale, know you're not alone. I hope that I showcase this in a realistic and respectful manner. I don't take this subject matter lightly. If you do decide to go ahead with this, just be prepared. This is as close to reality as you can get. And it's painful.  
_

* * *

 **You're Not Alone**

The trilling of a phone cut through the quiet morning air. Alison loved the fall. The temperature was more bearable, which was insanely important to her because being eight months pregnant meant that she was hot. _All the time._ She could stick her entire face into the freezer and _still_ be sweating.

She rolled over in an uncoordinated fashion, still not used to the swelling of her stomach getting in her way at every turn. She knew she should have been used to it. She'd been pregnant with twins once before. The girls were four now. Emily and Alison missed having babies around, so they'd had a sit down with the girls and asked what they'd think of having a little brother or sister.

Grace was all for it, excited that she'd have a baby to dress up and play house with. Lily asked if she'd have to share her chicken nuggets with the baby, because she didn't want to. Lily wasn't great with sharing, but to be fair neither was her sister. Grace made a scene out of telling Lily that she wasn't going to share their baby sibling with her and then Lily asked if she could get a puppy. Then they'd both gotten distracted by an ice cream truck outside.

Once they got the girls on board they looked into artificial insemination. They'd hit a speed bump when they discovered that Alison didn't have any viable eggs left. Emily offered to carry, but Alison had her heart set on feeling the life of a child growing inside of her again. It had been an amazing experience the first time, minus the morning sickness and the weird cravings and the having to pee all the time. So Emily had her eggs harvested and they chose a donor and then did in-vitro.

It had taken three trying times before the in-vitro took. And as soon as they got the word that Alison was pregnant Emily had cried in joy. She had been every bit the doting wife, making sure that Alison took it easy for their baby. She'd doubled down when Alison got put on bed-rest a week ago. It amazed Alison, because Emily worked such long hours. But the second Emily got home she was whipping up breakfast or dinner for her wife and doing the laundry and making sure Alison and the girls had everything they needed.

Alison missed her when she worked. So every time she heard her ringtone she jumped at the opportunity to talk to her. Even if it was 6 AM in the morning.

She let the light from the screen guide her and she picked up the phone, pushing herself to sit up against her pillows. She had a hell of a time getting comfortable this late in the pregnancy. She'd had that problem with the twins, too.

"Good morning." Alison yawned sleepily into the phone.

"Hey, babe, what are you doing?" Emily asked. She always sounded so sexy first thing in the morning. Her voice was so raw and raspy.

"Mmm, just dreaming about you." Alison admitted.

"Oh, yeah?" Emily asked.

"You made me pancakes."

"Oh." Emily sounded a little disappointed.

"And then I licked syrup and whipped cream off of your body."

"Oh?" Emily was a little more intrigued. "And then what happened?"

"And then _someone_ woke me up." She chastised Emily in a teasing manner.

"Ah, foiled by my own clitorference. Fail." Emily laughed.

"Maybe if you hadn't been duped into working an extra shift then you could have the real thing." Alison pouted. One of her coworkers was sick, and Emily had filled in at the last moment. "I hate it when you sleep at the station. I miss having you in the bed."

"Half the time my snoring runs you off to the couch." Emily laughed.

"But you always come and get me and carry my fat pregnant ass back to bed because you know I'm more comfortable there."

"Because you're my queen." Emily sounded like a sap, but she didn't care.

"I do love to see you kneeling on your knees in front of me," Alison said suggestively. "I like lowering my drawbridge and letting you explore my kingdom."

"I'm holding you to that for when I get off tonight," Emily said.

"How about I get _you_ off?"

"I totally set myself up for that one." Emily was impressed with Alison's quick wit. "I'd forgotten how… _passionate_ you got during the third trimester."

"She have another pregnancy sex dream?" Alison heard a familiar voice laughing in the background.

Even though Alison wasn't in the room, her cheeks flushed, turning bright red.

"Shut up, Cavanaugh." Emily chuckled. Alison heard a playful scuffle on the other end of the phone.

Toby Cavanaugh had been Emily's best friend since middle school. He'd been the first person Emily came out to. He'd been her sounding board when she needed a friend. He'd been her best man at their wedding. And he had been the first one in the delivery room after the twins had been born. He'd met Alison's cousin Spencer there. They were happily married now.

"Please tell me you don't have me on speaker." Alison muttered.

"No. I know you better than that." Emily laughed. "The girls okay?"

"Other than fighting bedtime last night, yeah. I expect they'll be up soon, causing mayhem."

"They are _your_ children." Emily pointed out.

"Hopefully our son gets _your_ demeanor." Alison reached down, rubbing her baby bump. "The girls are going to wear me out before they even hit elementary school. I can't handle another wild one."

"Why don't we take them to the park for a picnic tomorrow?" Emily suggested.

"You're so predictable, Em." Alison chuckled.

The park was Emily's favorite place in the world.

"I love watching them explore." Emily admitted. "They're young enough that their world is still full of magic."

"You sap."

"Fields, you coming or what?" Toby called out to her.

"Gotta run. We've got some field exercises this morning. I'll see you tonight. Love you, babe," Emily said.

"Love you, too."

After Alison hung up, a smile lingered on her face. She always felt so warm after talking to her wife. She melted back into the pillows, falling back into a dreamlike state.

Normally, the twins woke her up, but they didn't that morning. Lily and Grace had gone into the kitchen and rooted for the sweetest cereal they could find. Then they hauled the box into the living room and sat down on the couch to watch cartoons.

At 9 AM Alison felt a pair of small hands against her forearm, shaking her to try and wake her up.

"Mommy?" Lily whispered.

"Hey, baby." Alison opened her eyes and yawned.

"Something scary interrupted our cartoons."

Alison pushed herself out of bed and followed her daughter. She was determined to fix the problem. She stopped when she reached the top of the stairs. Outside the foyer she saw the New York City skyline under a beautiful blue sky. She took a moment to appreciate it.

She stared out the window, thinking she could see a hint of a cloud lingering in the distance. But it wasn't white. There was something ominous about it. That's when she started to feel uneasy.

She waddled into the living room, shuffling her feet, which she could no longer see, against the floor. She stopped when she got to the edge of the couch, feeling a cramp in her back. She grabbed the back of the couch with one hand and put her other hand on her lower back and tried to stretch it out.

"Mama gets to be a hero today." Grace pointed at the TV.

Alison looked up for the first time and saw the news broadcast that had interrupted the twins' precious cartoon time. She stared at the identical towers of the World Trade Center, one with smoke billowing out of it.

The newscaster was talking about an aircraft hitting the north tower. As the newscaster spoke about it, the live video feed showed another plane heading for the south tower. Alison gasped and instinctively reached out, pulling Lily against her pregnant body and putting her hand over Grace's eyes so they didn't witness it. But she watched as the plane disappeared into the building in an explosion of fire and smoke. For a second, the air on the TV went dead. No one knew what to say.

Grace pulled Alison's fingers away from her eyes and tried to peer at the TV. Alison reached for the remote, frantic to protect her children from the dangers of the world. But when she changed the station there was just another angle of the second plane striking the south tower.

Of course it was on every station. Once was coincidence. But twice was a pattern. Just like every other single person watching the news, she knew what was happening. They were under attack.

It was strange and surreal to be hit at home like this. She'd often heard stories about war-torn countries and it always seemed so far away. She wasn't ignorant to world politics. She knew this kind of thing happened. But it was something she thought would never happen on her home turf.

"Mommy, what's happening?" Lily tried to squiggle away from Alison's pregnant belly.

It took a moment for the shock to wear off. But when she looked down she saw her daughters' innocent curious eyes looking up at her for answers. But she didn't have those answers. How did you explain to a child that they weren't safe? That the world wasn't always full of hope? How did you answer something you didn't understand yourself?

A shot of the ground crew, gathering police officers, EMTs, and firefighters gearing up sent Alison careening into the reality of the situation. She felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Girls, go play upstairs in your room." Alison tried to stay calm so she wouldn't frighten her daughters.

Grace climbed down off of the couch and then turned back to grab her doll, a doll that Emily had gotten for her for her second birthday. She hauled the dirty ratty thing with her everywhere. She stopped and looked at her sister. Normally the two of them were full of piss and vinegar in the morning because they'd have a sugar-high going from eating the sweet cereal that Emily loved to buy for them. But this morning they sensed something was amiss. They knew. They didn't understand, but they knew.

"Is Mama okay?" Lily asked, her bottom lip trembling.

"I'm sure she's fine, sweetie." Alison tried to keep her fear from showing. She felt like she was about to fall apart.

She watched as her daughters sulked as they padded up the stairs. The second she heard them arguing over who got to play with the Barbie Dreamhouse she grabbed the phone and dialed Emily's number.

The first two times she got a busy signal. But the call went through on the third try. She heard a bunch of weird noises on the other end.

"Emily?"

"Hey." She heard an eerie nervousness in her wife's tone.

"Oh, God. You're already there, aren't you?"

"Got the call ten minutes ago."

"Emily, don't go in there." Alison begged.

"It's my job, honey. People are trapped and hurt."

"You know I have been more than supportive of your job…" She knew it was selfish of her to want her all to herself when all of her coworkers would be running into the line of fire, but she was terrified and she didn't know how else to express it, "…but I have a bad feeling about this."

"This is what I do, Alison." Emily sighed heavily. "People are counting on my team." Neither one of them spoke for a few seconds. Alison heard Emily take a shaky breath. "Ali, Spencer is in there."

"What?" Alison cried.

"Her firm had a meeting there. Toby is a mess. He hasn't been able to get in touch with her."

"Oh my God," Alison uttered breathlessly. "Emily, I…"

"Is that Mama!?" She heard Lily shout from the top of the stairs.

"I wanna talk to Mama!" Grace piped in quickly.

Before Alison could object they were flying down the stairs, fighting over who got the phone first.

"The girls want to talk to you," Alison said, quickly putting Emily on speaker so they wouldn't squabble over the phone. "Make it fast, girls. Mama has to work."

"Hi, Mama!" Grace exclaimed excitedly.

"Hi, Gracie. Are you being good for your mommy?" Emily's voice cracked.

Hearing her daughter was a reminder of just how dangerous this situation was and how innocent and unknowing that Lily and Grace were. Their world was going to change forever. The world that they lived in was broken. Tainted.

"We had sugar pops for breakfast." Grace twirled around on her toes, happy to be talking to her mother, her worry from earlier virtually a distant memory. "Where are you, Mama?"

Emily felt herself tearing up, but she tried not to let her emotions come through on the phone.

"I'm taking care of people at work, baby."

"I wanna be a hero just like you when I grow up." Grace declared.

Alison bit her lip to starve off her tears. Her little girls had no idea the sacrifices she and Emily faced when it came to Emily's job. In any job with high risks, the spouses were in it just as much as their husbands and wives. It was nerve-racking. And days like today terrified Alison.

"When you get home can we play tea party?" Lily asked enthusiastically.

"I'll bring the cupcakes," Emily said sweetly.

"I like the purple frosting."

"I know, Lil." Emily's voice damn near broke. She knew the gravity of the situation. But she also knew she had a job to do. She hadn't signed up to be a firefighter when it was _convenient_ for her. "I love you girls very much."

"We love you, too, Mama." Lily and Grace spouted off at the same time.

"Go play. Give your mother and me a minute, okay?" Emily said.

"Bye, mama!" Lily called.

She was the first to run off, Grace not far behind. Alison took the phone off of speaker. The girls flittered off to play. Alison walked towards the front door, needing privacy, needing to protect her girls' innocence. Once she was outside on their stoop she started crying.

"We're being attacked." Alison whispered, completely overwhelmed.

"I know, sweetheart." Emily tried to stay calm. She couldn't go into a burning building unfocused, though she knew that no one in the world was focused right now.

"Emily, I'm scared."

"You're not alone."

Alison felt Emily's words in her soul. The entire world was going through the same motions as she was. It was heartbreakingly uniting.

"What if another plane hits while you're in there?" Alison sobbed. She couldn't contain it anymore. She was panicked and the pregnancy hormones were not helping.

"I got word that they're going to ground all flights. It's going to be okay, Alison."

She listened to her wife sobbing, unable to do anything to comfort her. How could anyone provide comfort at a time like this? All Emily could do was stay on the line with her as she geared up. All she could do was spend that time with her while she could. After several intense minutes of crying, Alison got her breathing under control.

"Hey, you have to stay calm." Emily said, waving another truck towards where their rig was parked. "The stress isn't good for the baby. Think about him. Think about our son."

Alison didn't respond, but Emily could still hear her breathing through the broken phone line. She could hear the static cutting in and out. They were losing their connection.

"Fields!" A voice called out.

"Baby, I have to go." Emily broke the silence. "But I don't want you by yourself." Emily pulled her oxygen tank over her shoulder. "I want you…call Hanna." The phone started to cut out. "…she…off today…roads are jammed, but…close enough to walk…stayed at Mona's place last night after their fashion event."

"I'm losing you, Em. You're cutting out." Alison replied.

"I know." Emily sighed in frustration. "…lines…jammed with all of the…" She cut out again. Alison held her breath and then breathed a sigh of relief when she heard her cut back in, "…and use the landline. Cell towers…handle the volume of calls." There was a pause and for a second, Alison thought the call had been dropped. But then she heard Emily's voice coming through clear and uninterrupted. "Kiss the girls for me, okay?"

"Emily, please be careful." Alison pleaded. "You and Toby look out for each other."

"We will. They're calling for my unit. I have to go, sweetie. I love…"

A pop cut her off abruptly. Alison was unsettled when the line went dead. She stood outside for several minutes. She looked over at one point and saw her neighbor staring out into the distance, as dazed as she was. They slowly locked eyes. Neither of them said anything. They shared an unspoken exchange. She heard one of her girls calling for her from inside. Alison wiped her face to hide her tears and then walked back inside. She found Lily wandering around the living room.

"Mommy, I want apple juice." Lily looked up at her.

Alison got her a cup of juice and then Lily ran off to play again. The girls finally settled upstairs, playing house…just like they liked watching their mommies doing. Alison called their best friend Hanna, and Hanna told her she was already on her way. She knew that Emily and Toby were working the scene. Toby had called her to tell her about Spencer.

After Alison got off the phone with Hanna she sank down on to the couch, staring at the television. She didn't want to watch it, but she couldn't turn away. It was a proverbial need to know what was going on…a desire for answers to questions that hadn't even been asked yet.

She listened to the reports of how the first responders had already saved numerous lives. She sat on the couch in shock while Emily and Toby and countless other firefighters and first responders helped people out of the building before running right back into the line of fire.

Inside the north tower Emily, Toby, and the rest of their fire squad were climbing the stairs, weaving through the hundreds of thousands of people going in the opposite direction trying to get to safety. They huffed, puffed, and sweated as they ascended the tower looking for people in need of help, looking for hot spots to put out.

"How are you holding up?" Toby asked through his heavy breaths.

"I'm sweating balls here. But I'm good." Emily replied. "You?"

"Same." Toby replied.

"Hell of a morning."

"Yeah." Toby knew it was only beginning. "Better hang on tight."

"Until the end of the line." Emily nodded. Her wife and her children were at the forefront of her mind as she put one foot in front of the other.

Emily was the only thing on Alison's mind as she mindlessly stared at the news reports. The scene was brutal. There was thick smoke billowing into the air. People were trapped and leaping to their demise below. There were reports of more hijacked aircrafts. A plane had hit the pentagon. There were people calling into the station and pleading with the viewers watching, desperate to get in touch with their loved ones. There were stories emerging about what it was like in the buildings when the planes hit. It was beyond devastating. It was life-altering. A tragedy unfolding. A world altered. Things would never be the same.

Hanna didn't even knock when she got there. She shuffled inside the front door and quickly sat down beside her on the couch. Alison looked over at her, tears flowing down her face, unable to speak. Hanna took her hand.

Five minutes later they watched the south tower collapse. Alison's hand tightened around Hanna's and a strangled scream came out of her mouth. She cried out Emily's name.

"Shh, it's okay." Hanna didn't know what to say to comfort her. She knew they'd probably just watched Emily, Toby, and Spencer die. "We don't want to scare the girls."

Alison nodded, but she hadn't been able to contain her sobs. Hanna cried with her. When the second tower collapsed half an hour later Alison screamed in agony.

Hanna shut the television off and held Alison as she crumbled. Her deep throaty cries reverberated off of the walls. She buried her face into Hanna's chest to try and muffle her cries so the girls wouldn't hear.

But it was too late for that. Lily and Grace were peering at their mother and Aunt Hanna from the top of the staircase, holding the bars that overlooked the living room in between their little fingers. They looked at one another, a heavy sadness in their eyes, a grief that neither of them understood, and they started to cry. They didn't know why they were crying. They just knew they felt upset.

Hours passed and there was no word, but in her heart Alison knew. She'd felt the loss. She'd felt like a part of her had just disappeared. She felt every excruciating minute. She felt aimless. She was sitting on the bathroom floor, legs sprawled out against the ground, head resting on the side counter of the sink. She'd been puking for the last hour. Hanna had been tending to the twins and making phone calls. Alison felt useless. Hopeless.

She grabbed her phone, the battery nearly dead. She'd been calling Emily non-stop. Every time she called Emily's phone it went straight to voicemail. She wasn't expecting an answer. She was calling just to hear her voice on the voicemail.

She looked down at her shirt and realized she was covered in vomit. She didn't care. She was used to it. She'd had morning sickness enough to get used to barf. When she stood up and looked in the mirror she saw that there were traces of her breakfast in her hair. Slowly, silently, without even thinking, she stripped out of her dirty clothes and climbed in the shower. She stared at the tile, letting the water flow over her body.

She looked down at her belly. Her son was never going to know Emily. He was never going to know his mama. She put her palm against her stomach and seconds later she felt her little boy moving, kicking. He was rolling around like he knew something was wrong. She kept her hand against his movements and wept.

She didn't remember turning the water off or getting out or getting dressed. But she found herself clean and in the living room twenty minutes later. She stared off into space, but was jolted back to reality when she heard the phone ring.

Suddenly, she felt a shred of hope. Maybe Emily hadn't been inside when the buildings collapsed. Maybe she'd just been hurt or unconscious or unable to get to a phone. She practically lunged for the phone and answered without even looking at the caller ID.

"Em?" she begged in tears.

"Ali…"

The voice on the other end wasn't her wife's. But it was a relief to hear nonetheless.

"Spence? Oh, thank God." Alison breathed a sigh of relief.

"I can't find him." Spencer replied, her voice dull and unanimated.

Alison felt her heart clench in her chest. She knew who Spencer was talking about. She knew what Spencer felt like. She'd lost her partner, too.

"Spencer…"

"Toby…he…I-I think he was inside. Have you or Emily heard from him?"

"What?" Alison sputtered nervously. Was Spencer in shock? Or did she know something she didn't? Had she seen Emily today? "Wait, did you see her?" Alison's voice cracked. _Please, God…_

"No. I know…I know she's off today, but did she get a call from anyone at the station? Has she heard from anyone?"

Alison's heart sank. There was a long silent pause in the air as Alison tried to keep herself from breaking down again. She knew she wasn't alone in the feeling. Millions of people were right there with her...broken, angry, confused.

"Emily was working with Toby," she said, her throat burning. "I haven't heard from her either." She choked out. "The last I heard they were going in to the towers to help."

"Oh," Spencer said quietly.

"Spencer, are you hurt?"

"No." She said in a daze. "I ran. When I got out they were telling us to get as far away as possible. So…I ran." Alison could practically hear her brow creasing in confusion. She had so much she was trying to comprehend. There was another long pause on the line, followed by Spencer huffing out a heavy sigh. "Ali, I don't know where I am."

Alison squeezed her eyes shut and threw her head back and fought back a cry. They both started to cry. It was Hanna's husband Caleb who eventually found Spencer and brought her over to Alison's place to be with Hanna and Alison. Hanna fell into his arms and fell apart the second he walked through the door.

Alison and Spencer grabbed on to one another, Alison burying her face into Spencer's shoulder as she sobbed. Spencer ran her hand over the back of Alison's head, an unspoken grief that they both understood. She felt Alison sinking to the floor and she went with her. She held her cousin and wept. She was relieved to see Spencer alive and in the flesh, but there was a hole in her heart because she knew that Emily and Toby were gone. Thousands of people were gone. It was like a punch to the chest. That that much life could be wiped out in an instant. Gone without a trace. Up in smoke.

Hanna made them all a batch of tea and they sat on the couch while Caleb took care of Lily and Grace. The deafening silence in the house was overshadowed by the high volume of their quiet pain. Their grief was louder than anything in the world. Alison turned to Spencer, who looked haunted and brokenhearted.

"How are you holding up?" Alison asked.

It was one thing that they'd both experienced the loss of a spouse in such a violent and public manner, but it was another thing entirely that Spencer had gone through that hell at ground zero first-hand. She had been in the building when the plane hit. She had seen the destruction, the death. She had memories that were the stuff of nightmares.

"I don't think I'm ever going to be whole again," Spencer said quietly. "I'm never going to be able to get it out of my head."

Alison took her hand and leaned her head against Spencer's shoulder, a silent motion to let her know that she was there, and that she understood. She couldn't take her pain away. But she could let her know she wasn't alone.

It wasn't a surprise when a few hours later the Chief of Emily and Toby's Station called to tell them what they already knew: Emily and Toby had been part of the team in the north tower when it collapsed. The department couldn't officially call it, because technically the firefighters in the building had lost connection before the tower fell, but everyone knew the reality of the situation. There would be a search and rescue effort, but no survivors would be found.

The Chief was beside himself with grief, because his entire team had been inside those towers. He'd been in the building, too, but had come across an injured pregnant woman who needed help. He'd run into Toby and Emily on the way down with the woman. Emily had given them her water.

"She wanted to make sure the mother stayed hydrated for her baby," he said with a sigh. Alison bit her lip and wiped her watery eyes. That was her Emily. Always thinking of others. The pregnant woman had probably reminded her of Alison. "That was the last I saw of them. They were on the forty-seventh floor, still going up, looking for people who needed help. I had just gotten out and gotten the woman to an ambulance when the first tower went down." They could hear the emotion in his voice.

Alison reached over and grabbed Spencer's hand. She'd been there. She'd felt the ground quaking, too. Spencer had told her it sounded like a warzone. There had been a deafening crack in the air and people screaming. The sound of metal falling and crashing cement. It was like a soundtrack of horror set at the highest volume playing on repeat in her head. A terrifying song that would never go away.

"I got injured by a piece of rebar," The Chief said. "Was getting treated and getting ready to go back into the north tower right before it came down." His voice broke, and that's when Alison and Spencer started to cry again.

They listened as he explained that the last anyone had heard from their team they had been nearing the seventy-first floor.

The second to last call that had come through was Toby telling dispatch on the ground that the closer they got to the point of impact the more pockets and hot spots they were having to fight. Toby and Emily had gone out fighting, saving lives. It wasn't a surprise to Spencer or Alison. But even knowing that didn't ease the pain.

"The last call was from Emily," he said solemnly, making Alison's stomach churn. "There was a partial collapse inside and Toby was struck by some debris and injured. He was trapped...and Emily, well…"

"There was no way she was leaving him behind." Alison finished, her voice devoid of its emotions.

She glanced at Spencer. There was a strange comfort in knowing they hadn't been alone in their last moments.

And they hadn't.

Moments before the building went down, Emily had grabbed Toby's bloody hand and told him she had him.

 _"I've got you, Cavanaugh. Hang in there."_

 _"It's coming down."_

 _"I know."_

She'd reached for her cell phone, knowing she wasn't going to get any service. But it wasn't a phone call she was seeking. She'd flipped the brand new phone open. She hadn't even had it a week. But the first thing she'd done was take a picture of Alison and the girls. The image was grainy and faded and terrible quality, but she could see them through the smoke-induced tears in her eyes.

 _"I wouldn't judge you if you wanted to make a run for it."_

 _"Nah, you're stuck with me."_ She knew she wouldn't make it anyway. Besides, she'd never leave a man behind, especially not her best friend. Her _brother_.

 _"You're a good shit, Em. Thanks for being my best friend."_ He squeezed her hand.

 _"Thanks for being mine."_

For a minute the only sound around them was the walls creaking, the sounds of the building getting ready to crumble in on itself. It was an eerie sort of calmness. There was a certain acceptance of fate. Emily pulled some of her gear off. She was covered in dust and sweat. So was Toby. He wiped his brow.

 _"You think Spence made it out?"_

 _"She's a survivor, Toby."_

 _"So is Alison."_ He cupped her hand in his.

 _"We married a couple of really great women, didn't we?"_ Emily smiled, the tears in her eyes no longer from the smoke, but from her emotions.

 _"The best."_

There was a loud rumbling noise above them. The floors and walls started shaking, broken pieces of debris crashing down around them. Their hands tightened around each other.

 _"Hang on tight, Fields."_

 _"To the end of the line, Cavanaugh."_

There was a thunderous explosion. They both jumped, an inadvertent reflex. They could feel the entire building shaking. Emily took a deep breath and looked at her family's photo again. It was the last image she saw.

Now her phone, much like her family and the families of thousands of countless others, was in ruins.

Now her family and the families of thousands of countless others had to figure out how to go on without their loved ones. It wasn't just a bitter pill to swallow. It was a _poisonous_ pill to swallow. Alison couldn't stop thinking about how she was going to go on without her. It was only later that night when she remembered something that Emily had said to her that she was able to pull herself together.

 _"Kiss the girls for me."_

Alison went to their bedroom. Hanna had put them to bed an hour ago. They hadn't fought bedtime tonight. They'd asked where their Mama was a dozen times though. The girls didn't tell them. They were still trying to figure out _how_ to tell them. Lily and Grace had been so exhausted that they both fell asleep during their bedtime story.

Alison peered into the room at her daughters, the nightlight Emily had picked out casting a glow on their sweet little faces. She quietly shuffled into the room, trying not to step on their toys and books. She wiggled in between their beds, shoving her belly off to the side as she knelt down to place a kiss on each of their heads, a tear leaking out of her left eye. She watched them sleep, knowing that tomorrow they were going to wake up and everything was going to be different, knowing that they'd been robbed of their innocence today. They'd been robbed of growing up without their Mama. And she had to tell them that.

Half an hour later Spencer found her sitting outside the twins' room, her head up against the wall, silent tears falling down her cheeks. She saw Spencer and wiped her face.

"She was supposed to be off today." Alison blinked, exhausted in every way. She glanced at the twins' bedroom door. "How am I supposed to tell them that their mother isn't coming home? How are they ever going to understand this?"

How was she supposed to tell her daughters that their mom was gone? How was she supposed to raise their son without her? How was she supposed to go on?

Spencer took Alison's hand and sandwiched it in between hers and pulled her close, and she did what Alison had done for her hours ago. She let her know they were in it together.

"You're not alone. We're family, Ali. I promise you I will always be here for you."

Alison knew she wasn't the only one who was going through it. That didn't make it any easier when she talked to Lily and Grace the next morning. They had both clung to her and cried. Their little hands curled against her maternity shirt, a shirt that Emily had bought for her. Their tears drenched her chest.

In the following days, thousands of people helped scour the area for survivors, but the rescue operations slowly turned into a recovery mission. The days went by in a blurry haze. Alison felt like her world had turned into a colorless vision of gray smoke. But every time she got overwhelmed, her cousin was there for her, reminding her that she'd always have family. Toby and Emily hadn't just been partners in the fire department. They had been best friends in life.

Spencer and Alison got closer than they'd ever been when they were kids. Spencer made good on her promise when she was there for Alison the day hers and Emily's son was born. It had been an emotional day with a lot of crying. Alison had broken down in the delivery room.

"It hurts, it hurts so much!" Alison moaned, her physical pain at its peak, her emotional pain off the charts. She missed her wife. "I want Emily." She sobbed. "I want my wife."

"I know." Spencer replied solemnly. She knew the pain that Alison felt. She felt it every day when she woke up without Toby next to her.

Alison glanced at the picture of Emily sitting on the table next to her bed. She had wanted to be able to see Emily when she was in labor. She was her focal point. And she also wanted to be able to show her son Emily the moment he was born. But now that the moment had arrived all she could focus on was how much she missed her.

"I don't want to do this without her. I don't want to be alone."

"Hey, you're not alone. I'm right here with you, Ali." Spencer assured her. "I promise you. I'm going to help you every step of the way. You can do this."

"I can't," she cried.

"You can. You've got this. Come on. Emily would not want you to give up. Now push!"

So Alison pushed. When she thought she didn't have the strength to continue she peered up into the lights. She could feel the sweat drenching every inch of her body. Her contractions were like steely knives clashing inside of her. She began to feel dizzy and lightheaded. And she felt like giving up.

She felt a warm glow come over her. She heard the doctors and nurses talking to one another and Spencer encouraging her, but she felt like she was in a different world. Her head rolled to the side and in the corner of the room she saw a flash of light. She blinked and suddenly she was looking into Emily's eyes. She was dressed in her dress uniform. Her deep cocoa colored eyes were bright with love and affection as she smiled at Alison.

 _"You're not alone."_

"Em." Alison uttered under her breath with a smile.

A rip of pain rolled through her body. She cried out. She jerked her head up and heard the doctor exclaim,

"Just one more push!"

Alison clamped down on Spencer's hand with one hand and tangled the fingers of her other hand into her sheets and screamed as she did what the doctor asked. She clenched her jaw, biting down hard. She grunted and bared down and then yelled again. Her sweat soaked face turned a deep cherry color. Her entire body was trembling. She felt an intense amount of pressure in her pelvis and then a wave of relief.

Then she heard it: her son's first cries.

"You did it, Alison. He's out." Spencer rubbed her hand. She leaned forward to get a look at him as the doctor checked his vitals. "He's beautiful, Ali."

"Is he okay?" Alison breathed out heavily as she looked around for her baby. "Is my son okay?"

"He's just fine, Mrs. Fields." The doctor assured her. "A healthy eight pounds, ten ounces."

No wonder it had hurt like hell. The girls had each been five pounds when they were born. Her son was huge compared to that.

"I want…I want to hold him." She pushed herself up. She had to see him. She had a little piece of Emily back and she needed to see him, to hold him, to feel him.

Moments later her son was squirming against her chest. Alison looked down at him and started crying tears of joy. It was a bittersweet moment. She'd had this image in her mind of what her son's birth would be like. She had envisioned Emily next to her side, just like she'd been for the girls. It was a hard not having her there. But having Spencer by her side had alleviated some of that pain.

Alison couldn't take her eyes off of her child. He was the most beautiful baby she'd ever seen.

"He has her eyes." Alison ran her thumb across her baby's cheek. In fact, he looked just like her. It was uncanny. He looked up at her, his wide-eyes searching, looking at the new world. "Oh, hello my sweet boy."

His eyes stopped on the picture of Emily, and though the girls knew that he was too young for his sight to actually see her, they could tell he felt her presence. He settled in Alison's arms.

"Emily would be so proud of you." Spencer smiled. "You did it."

"I did." Alison nodded and looked down at the baby boy in her arms and cooed. "Hey. We did it." She leaned down and kissed his head. "You look just like your mommy." He blinked and looked at her and squeaked. "Hi, baby boy." She huffed out a joyful cry and bounced him in her arms gently.

"What's his name?" Spencer asked.

Alison paused, smiling at the child in her arms. She'd decided on the name days after the attack. It had come to her in a dream, more specifically _Emily_ had come to her in a dream and they'd talked about it.

"Emory Tobias DiLaurentis-Fields."

"Tobias?" Spencer had tears in her eyes. "You're giving him Toby's name, too?"

"I didn't do this alone." Alison reached out, taking Spencer's hand. "I never would have survived this without you, Spence." She squeezed her fingers.

"Me neither." Spencer uttered quietly.

"Besides, Toby was Emily's best friend. It's only fitting."

"Well, now you're just putting pressure on me to name my kid after her…" Spencer stopped talking the moment she realized she'd let it slip.

"Your _kid_?" Alison's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Spence, are you…"

"Found out last week." Spencer had a sad smile on her face.

It was a double-edged sword. She'd always have a piece of her husband. But it was also a reminder that he wasn't there with her. But just like she'd been there for Alison, she knew Alison would be there for her. They were part of a club that no one wanted to be a part of, but in a sad way they were grateful for other members.

"I wish I'd known before…" Spencer swallowed hard.

"Hey, they're always with us." Alison looked down. Emory was proof of that.

She couldn't take her eyes off of her son. _Emily's_ son. She saw so much of Emily in him. His eyes. His soft facial features. His dark hair. His long little legs. It was like Emily had come back to her.

There was no shortage of visitors. Spencer stayed close. Emily and Toby's old boss came in to see Alison and Emory. So did several of Alison's coworkers and some of Emily's college friends. But the visit to end all visits was when Hanna brought Grace and Lily to meet their little brother for the first time. They'd both run up to Alison's bedside, curious about their new family member.

"We'll give you guys some time." Hanna smiled from the door.

"Thanks, Han."

The girls climbed up on either side of Alison and their new brother. Lily's mouth fell into a perfect "O" as she saw how tiny he was.

"He looks like Mama." Lily pointed out.

"I bet she made him just for us." Grace touched his hand. She laughed in surprise when Emory grabbed on to her thumb.

"I think he wants us to tell him about her." Lily looked at her sister.

Alison listened as the girls babbled and talked all about their Mama to their baby brother. They told him stories, talked about their favorite memories, and told him that when he got older they would show him everything their Mama loved. They tired themselves out talking to him. Lily fell asleep first. Then Grace. They were both snuggled up to Alison, one on either side. Emory was in Alison's arms. Lily was clutching Alison's shirt. Grace's little hand was on her brother's blanket. Alison looked at her children in wonderment. She was so thankful that Emily had given her this beautiful family.

She had almost fallen asleep when the doctor came in to check on her.

"Quite a full house you have." The doctor smiled at her as he walked over to look in on the baby. "How are you feeling?"

"A little sore."

"He's a big boy." The doctor checked the machine monitoring her.

"My wife was a big baby. She was long like him." Alison nodded. She glanced at the photograph of Emily.

The doctor peered at the photo, having really only looked at it for the first time now that Alison was staring at it. He'd been a little preoccupied when she was in labor. His face scrunched up, his brows tight in thought.

"You mentioned her during labor." He glanced at Alison's chart and then looked back at her, like he was seeing her for the first time. "Is Fields a common name?"

"Not really." Alison looked down at their children. They would be carrying on the name.

"Was your wife a firefighter?"

Alison snapped to attention, prying her gaze away from her son and facing the doctor.

"You knew her?"

"No, but I know exactly who she was," he said, a shocked saddened expression washing across his face. He hadn't recognized her in the photo, out of her uniform. "She got me out of the north tower on September 11th. I was having breakfast with my daughter when the attack happened. I broke my ankle in the crowd when we were trying to evacuate. She helped me get down seven flights of stairs and out to the EMTs. There is no way I could have walked out on my own. She saved my life."

"She saved a lot of lives." Long before Emily had become a firefighter she'd saved Alison. She'd given her a life. Alison stroked her son's head. He was so soft. She smiled at the baby in her arms. "That was my girl," she said, her voice wavering.

"Well she was extraordinary. I hope you know that."

"I do," Alison said with a warm watery smile. She faced him. "Is your daughter…"

"She's okay. We were lucky." He glanced at the baby in Alison's arms and pursed his lips in thought. It was a look Alison recognized. It was a look she had worn many times before. That day had taken a lot from people. "Though I know not everyone was as lucky." He glanced at the picture of Emily again. "I saw a lot of things that day that made me question humanity as a whole. But it was in our darkest hours that people like your wife shined the brightest, guiding us towards the light. They were everything we needed. They gave people hope. And I know it doesn't make up for your loss, but the countless lives I know she saved are going to impact people for generations to come in ways you can't even imagine. She certainly impacted my life. I wouldn't be standing here without her. I'm honored to be your doctor. Your wife was a hero, Mrs. Fields."

She still was to Alison. She always would be. Alison said a teary-eyed thank you to the doctor. When he left she placed a kiss on all three of her kids' heads and then looked over at Emily's picture. Emily had been with her through their son's birth after all. And she'd be with them through all the lives she'd touched for the rest of their lives. The big world that was so easy to become lost in was much more connected than people had ever realized. Everything touched everything. No one was truly ever alone. It eased some of Alison's pain.

The destruction on September 11th wasn't just physical. The debris that was thrown into her world, and the world of everyone affected, had created a sense of aimlessness and left everyone lost and directionless. It was Emily and everyone like her who cleared the path for those who were lost. The unsung heroes were the only bright spot in the darkness. That's what Emily had always been for Alison and her family. A beacon of light. And now that light lived on in their babies. Alison was going to make sure Emily's legacy lived on through their children. And her children weren't the only ones. Everyone who had lost their lives on that fateful day lived on through their loved ones. Because as long as they were loved their memories would never die. Hate took people away, but love is how they lived on forever.

 ***END***


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